Formulas

I'm writing this post today because it's weighing on my heart, and I want to interrupt the Ryan 'n Bekah scrapbook long enough to share my heart. Sit with me and hear my thoughts?

I dearly wish I could find my Experiencing God workbook from this summer because I wanted to quote this to you outright...but alas...I've hidden it in a house showing adventure and I don't remember where!

But the bottom line was this: the authors said that the problem with Christians (and I would dare even to say the problem with people) is that we want a formula. We want to crack open the Bible (or any book) and find this perfectly tested outline that tells us exactly what steps to take - and when - to live this life. But life isn't like that. Life is not a formula.

And in all the joy...in all the excitement...in all the whirlwind that has been my relationship with Ryan, I find that I'm peppered with a lot of questions. Don't get me wrong. I don't mind the questions. I welcome the questions. I'm not afraid of them. Some of you have commented questions or emailed me questions and I love that. Ask me! Sometimes it helps me see what things you want to know about this love story, and already some future blog posts are swirling in my mind because I'm eager to fill in the gaps in this story so you can know it more fully.

But my heart is burdened today because (as with anything in life) there are skeptics. There are the eyebrow-raisers. There are those who feel nervous because of the crazy speed at which this relationship has moved. There are those who question things about it. There are those who are angry because things don't look...well...to be honest, they don't look like a formula.

* It is unorthodox, I understand, to date for two months, be engaged for two months, and then get married. People tend to expect a nice two year dating span, followed by six months to a year of engagement. Any shorter and people call it rushing. Any longer and people wonder which one in the couple is afraid of commitment. But let me tell you this. I spent the entire decade of my twenties preparing for marriage. I have read books and attended seminars and prayed Scripture and done a host of other things (some of which I shared with you and some of which I did not) to prepare for marriage. Ryan and I took time apart before we ever dated to pray about whether or not to even pursue a relationship. We sought counsel. We sought Abba. And we know - we are sure of each other and we are sure that God is leading us together. We realize some are surprised at the timing, and in some ways, we're surprised too! But as the verse on the left of my blog (ironically my 2012 verse, given to me by God at the start of the year) says - my ways are not His ways. His are higher.

* We have chosen to have a small wedding, not the big hoopla that I had long envisioned and that most probably expected me to have. There are those who are disappointed in this decision, and I do understand that. But I also know that this wedding fits us. Our entire relationship (proposal excluded) has been filled with moments that just include the two of us and God. We want to continue that with our wedding. We'll have a big party later - don't you worry. We'll give you a chance to celebrate with us. But the wedding - that is our sacred time with God.

* I am not pregnant. (I hate even writing that but it's been asked and I want to be SURE to shoot down that rumor.) Ryan and I have not had sex and will not until our wedding night. We are getting married quickly because we desire to begin our forever life together - and that is all there is to that.

* I realize there are A LOT of holes in this story. I love it that you all read this blog. I told Ryan the other night that it baffles me that the girl who was utterly invisible for so many years, now has a family of readers so big - she doesn't even know them all. And I can't imagine for the life of me why some of you hang out and take interest like you do, but I'm GLAD you do. And I know you are itching to know more - to know the rest of the story. But I only write one post a day. And they all can't be as long as this one. :) So I'll get to it eventually. I'll tell you the bits and pieces - about Ryan, about us. But it will take some time.

* There might be some unanswered questions. I believe God has asked me to use this blog as a ministry and I love it when I get emails from you saying how much you have been encouraged by something you read. I'm so grateful Ryan is open to having his life shared on the blog along with mine. I'm grateful he shares in my calling. Embraces it as his, too. Having said that, we won't tell you everything. Some things are just sacred and they're ours. There's a difference between hiding something and protecting the sacred. If I don't tell you something, it's not because I'm hiding it. It's because I'm protecting it as ours.

I love you...all of you who read. You bless and encourage me with your comments. I love it (we both do!) that so many of you are SO excited with us. I can't tell you how many women I talked to Saturday at the wellness fair who said to me, "Oh you're the girl who got engaged! I loved that!" We love it that you rejoice with us. We do.

It's hard to not let the two or three hurtful comments speak louder than the dozens of supportive ones. But we are convinced that God has ordained our love, and we're anxious to begin this life together. Even if it looks nothing like a formula.

Thanks for hearing my heart today. I hope it made sense. And I hope you'll still love hanging out here at Bekah's Bits!